Little Thoughts of Family

I was created to be in a family. I was created to be around families. I see in myself a genuine joy when I spend time knowing people and knowing them well. I love to have pointless fights and long talks about our maker. My mom and dad are serving the Lord in the Middle East for this season and I am over whelmed with peace about their obedience to His calling.
Tonight I talked with two of my close friends about where we want to be in 5 or 10 years- close to family? I sometimes think I want to be international to avoid being an average selfish American and then other times I want to live in Ohio where there is stability. The thing is....I can't make that call right now. God is the One who will guide my feet and direct my path. Thank goodness I don't have to come up with the best recipe for God-fearing children and a well rounded marriage. It's out of my hands and I am at peace.
I have family. My family is living in Dubai, in Grand Rapids, Calvin College, New Albany Ohio, Dublin Ohio, the dorms, off campus housing, Canal Winchester, Dover, and Big Walnut. I love my family whether we are related by blood or by Christ's blood. I rejoice in them. Paul never ceased to pray for the faithful followers and I want to be in constant prayer for my family.
God is good all the time. All the time He is good. When I fail and when people turn on each other. When I am hurting and when I am growing. God is good.
I was created to be apart of a family and I have family in abundance.

I guess I'm home now....

I'm home. Whew, when did THAT happen? To be exact it happened 7 and a half weeks ago. I should be use to it by now, shouldn't I? Yes, I really should. Adjusting to an unchanged Ohio was harder than adjusting to the middle east and I wish I could say I handled the shift well. I did not. I cried and felt alone for the first several weeks. I sat around wondering what on earth I'm suppose to do and where did my best friend go? Oh, she lives at her own home now.
Sometimes I feel like someone is playing Barbie's with my life. When I was little my childhood best friend and I would play Barbie's for hours. (I've come to a point in my life where I'm no longer ashamed to admit that....it's who I was at the ripe age of 5 and I accept that.) Those Barbie's went through a lot of changes in their small plastic lives- living in campers, mansions, airplanes, with relatives, on the staircase, in the attic, underwater, on the play set and the list goes on and on. We created new lives for them in each location.
Indiana Wesleyan= margie Dubai= my mom, dad and anna. Home= mom, brother, no dad, no anna and a dog. college will be a sister, cousins, anna, dan, alex and thousands of college students. Someone is playing Barbi's with my life.
Thank goodness I'm not made of plastic (most days) and the one picking me up and placing me in different places with different people is NOT a 5 year old. I had no reason for moving Barbi and her family to a cruise ship before moving to the backyard, they never learned important life lessons or discovered how to better relate with one another. Good news, MY GOD HAS A PLAN! yes, He does teach me things and show me how to love the people who He's placed in my life but ultimately He's showing me that His glory is the reason for ALL THINGS. So even when I feel like people and places are fading in and out I know that one thing remains, the Word of the Lord. He brought me up out of sin and then adopted me into His family. Without His hands in my life I would still be dead in my sin and hurting for a savior. Praise God for His mysterious and glorious plan, the plan of salvation.

Desert Dust and Christmas Songs

Yesterday I drove Bethany's car to the church to pick up a forgotten item. It was 104 degrees outside, ouch. I woke up at 8a.m. and it was already 92! When i got in Bethany's car I checked the CD player for music and there was a WOW Christmas CD in...not sure why but I pumped up the volume and sang (no, belted) White Christmas on a desert dusted road. Almost got stuck in a hole but thankfully I was going a bit fast so I didn't get stuck! Ah, the desert life.
I'm not sure why but Dubai doesn't sparkle like it use to. Maybe it's because I know workers who are underpaid and over-worked. Maybe it's because materialism makes my stomach hurt. Maybe it's because I simply miss the trees and cornfields of Ohio. I bet it's because I know Dubai now and it isn't as big as it once was. We've conquered Dubai. It was unknown and huge when we first arrived and now I have an understanding of life here, how it works and who it works for. I asked myself EVERYDAY what it would be like to live in the Middle East and now I know; it's a man-made heaven in the middle of a desert. But every man made heaven has a flaw, it's made by man. What is made by man is also destroyed by man and what can be destroyed by man will not exist in glory.
So pray for the Middle East. Pray that those who are investing in Glory will reap what they sow. Pray that the destruction of a man-made heaven will also cause a destruction of pride and an understanding of sin.
But I must say, I will miss Dubai SO very much. I will miss all the different kinds of people, walking to the beach, hoses in the washrooms, and indoor skiing to name a few. What a crazy and unexpected experience this semester has been, I wouldn't trade it for anything.
It's going to be so great to stumble out of the airport onto green grass. I simply can't wait.

Sour longings

I don't know exactly where i belong right now. I like to think that there is a place for me and I'm neither complete nor is that place complete until I'm there. It very well may not work that way but I often hope it does. I think that we are born with a longing for a place to fit. Why else would preteen boys scream stupid things at people in public? Why else would children feel a need to have a BEST friend? Why else would teenage girls run into the arms of a not-so-considerate-guy? Why else would someone jump out of a FAMILY raft at a water park? p.s. that last one isn't made up...i did that about a month ago for a laugh and i'm still healing from it (both my knee and my pride). We do these things to feel like we're accepted and loved. We do it to belong. Did i prove myself part of the group when I jumped out of the raft and couldn't get back in? not really but I had a false sense of acceptance and that was good enough for the time being.

it's okay....you can laugh

I see people I love grasping to things that aren't grasping back and that breaks my heart. I sometimes feel a desperate desire to grab those girls (my little cousins, girls from youth group or girls from high school who are getting ready for college) and hold them tight. "You belong. Christ has calls you His own." I worry that if i were to do that, it would freak them out...so i try avoid overbearing moments such as these :)
I guess insecurity rears is ugly head through all stages of life. I'm extremely anxious about next semester. What will I do? Where will I go? Will I be accepted?
ENOUGH!
I am called. I am chosen. There is a place for me in God's kingdom (both on earth and in Heaven) and I will go where He wants me. So stop it, Emma. Loosen your grip and shake off the anxiety. It's not of God.

whew. I feel better already.

I went away to camp in Arkansas for 2 weeks when i was much younger -don't ask me why, i still don't understand my reasoning. I really hated most of it. I hated that girls would gather every day to shave their legs together and I hated that the counselor picked favorites. Every night I wrote a pathetic letter home and mumbled to myself before bed, "I want to go home". Two weeks went by and I lived to make it home to Ohio. shocker. What's strange is that even when I finally got home I still mumbled, "I want to go home" most nights before bed.
Home. Heaven is my true home. it's the ultimate belonging. I can't explain why else I still felt a sour desire to go home. That's the best I can figure but now I try not to get depressed about home, I try to rejoice in it instead! Someday we'll be home.
So maybe next time I think it's cool to be 19 years old and jump out of a family raft I'll ask myself, "Am I doing this for acceptance? If not then go ahead and be an idiot, if you please. just don't get caught. or hurt. or deported."

Bed time story

So I'm tucking Emma (little Emma) into bed, I kiss her on the forehead and she says...
"Did you eat eggs?"
"Nope."
"Well you smell like eggs."
"Hm. Okay Goodnight."
"You've smelled like eggs all night."
"Uh Sorry. Sleep well, Emma"

Easter Weekend

I feel as though this church has blessed me even further than i am able to understand at this point in my life. Last night we had our weekly Bible study for adults which means we (children's ministry folk) provide a service for the little ones aswell. My group includes ages 4-10 and I have been so touched in my time with these kids. Last night we talked about the crucifixion and I decided to read straight from the Bible rather than tell the story in my own words. They were silent the entire time (partially due to the "special occation cookies" i strategically provided) but also partly due to the fact that the Word of God needs no embellishment. The word has no need for someone to dumb it down because children will understand what God reveals to them. After reading we talked about the scripture a bit and they were the most serious i've ever seen them, there wasn't even a hint of silliness. It was pretty shocking to me. Before class we taped sins to a paper person and after our discussion we moved the sins from the person to the cross. God is so good. They had amazing questions- questions I never thought to ask at that age.
This morning I sat in on a class for the 5 year old's and i was nearly in tears hearing a child explain the sacrifice of Christ. He basically walked through salvation with me. At one point he said "God turned His back on Jesus and that's why everything got dark- it was that bad." What a cutie!
How precious it is to see salvation in a new way. Like John said this morning, do you understand the weight of this good news? Christ died and rose again, this news is beyond good, it's life saving. Anna, being the dear friend that she is, often attend early service with me and after a powerful message we sang "In Christ Alone" which happens to be her favorite song. I accidentally laughed a few times because of the immense joy welling up. How blessed i am to stand next to a friend, who has become more like a sister, and sing about the sweet taste of salvation. How blessed i am to learn from children and their sincere thirst for understanding. It's all by the grace of God.
(for Anna)
...This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev'ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.

toasting

Before our ski lesson, Maddie and I got lunch together in the food court at Mall of the Emirates (which we have come to call MOE). We lifted our small paper cups filled with coke and i said, "What shall we drink to, Miss Maddie? Skiiing? Dancing?" She said nothing. I asked again, "What should we drink to?" After a short pause she said, louder than i would have prefered, "ME!" then bumped her cup to mine and took a big swig.
So here's to Maddie. She doesn't mind toasting to herself every now and again. Sometimes I want to toast to myself too. I want to give myself a pat on the back when I win those secret victories like not falling when I get off the ski lift. Good job, Emma- you're doing great.
I've been looking back through my journals and noticed that most of my prayers start with. "What is the matter with me? I fail at everything. Help me get it right." Well today I'm going to celebrate my little victories and forget about my lame..ness.
So here's to taking a shower this morning even though I didn't feel like it. Here's to tipping the taxi driver an appropriate amount (I usually tip way too much). Here's to talking to people about things I'm nervous talking about (religion and relationships). Here's to holding my tongue when I really want to kick and scream.
Here's to making silly movies. Here's to good friends and great talks. Here's to Bible studies and beach time. Here's to skype. Here's to God and the many little victories He has throughout each day.
And here's to you for reading this blog. I know it wasn't easy...